Because It's You
by Raiyo
Summary: Hachi writes a letter to her most precious, a letter not to be seen, a letter not to be sent. Things don't always go how you plan. NanaHachi shoujo ai. SemiAU. ON PERMANENT HIATUS.


Hey. This is a Nana story I wrote after watching episode 18 and it disregards anything that happened after that episode so I guess it's a Semi-AU. It's shoujo ai, there really aren't enough NanaHachi stories. I think there's a total of three on the internet and this makes four. **This is not a oneshot. **it's going to be two or three chapters. Please read and review.

Warnings: semi-AU, shoujo ai.

Disclaimer: I do not own NANA

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**Because It's You**

Hey Nana, do you remember when you finally saw Ren again after the live?

Of course you do, and so do I.

All to well...

In the beginning, when I first moved in with you, my feelings for you still confused me, Nana. I knew what I felt was love but I never thought, never dreamed, that I would ever fall in love with you. At that time I guess I was a little blind to myself, I already had a boyfriend, he had been the reason that I came to Tokyo in the first place, after all, and I didn't see girls as anything but friends. It was Junko that first brought that to my attention, I mean I had known about that stuff before and I had nothing against it but... I guess it really doesn't mater anymore.

Junko said that I shouldn't move in with you, I didn't know anything about you and that you were probably a serial killer and that you wanted to sleep with me. Right now I wish that was true. Not the serial killer part, Nana would still be Nana though, even if that were the case, but the other part, about you wanting to sleep with me. You have made it quite clear that you don't, I know that. You're not into women like that, I'm not sure I am either. I think that maybe, for me, it's just you.

When you kissed me that time, my heart couldn't stop beating. I didn't know why my cheeks were flushed or why, when I tried to speak, my voice came out with a stutter. It was embarrassment, that's what I told my self back then, just that. I know better now. For the next few weeks things went well. I remained oblivious to what I felt, probably for the best, I couldn't have dealt with them then, I'm not sure I can now. When I still didn't notice anything, I would say things about you, that you were like a boyfriend, very openly. Now, well, I guess you've noticed haven't you, Nana? I don't say those things anymore.

Shouji broke up with me just before your live show. You helped me through that, if you hadn't been there, I probably wouldn't be here today. I want to thank you for being the shining star in my life. You're her shining star too though, aren't you? I met Misato-chan on that night. That was the first time I had gotten that jealous. Even when Shouji had cheated on me with Sachiko I had been more hurt than jealous. The emotions that bubbled up within me were hard to quell. I finally ended up bursting and yelling and both you and Misato. Jealousy is an ugly thing, isn't it Nana. I cried my self to sleep that night, because, even though I felt these things so strongly I didn't know why they even existed in the first place, and that hurt the most.

When I woke up the next morning I made a promise to my self that I wouldn't let my selfish feelings out. I thought you would be angry. You weren't, but it might have been better had you lashed out. Then I would have had something to feel bad about, but when I saw you sitting in front of the window, the light making your raven hair shine, I couldn't help from feeling something in my heart stir. You smiled at me when I apologized and that smile made me feel so warm inside that I selfishly forgot about your feelings.

I asked you for Misato's phone number and called he at around noon. We get along really well now, Misato and I. We have a lot of stuff in common, especially our most important person. That's you, Nana. But, you don't feel anything beyond friendship for us, because you are in love, In love with him. When I called Misato she told me that Ren used to be in a band with you. I was shocked, I didn't know that you knew any of the members of Trapnest. I talked to Shin, Nobu, and Yasu after that. They told me... well, they told me that you had been his girlfriend. At that time it had struck my heart like a bolt of lightning. It hurt. They talked to me more about him and answered my questions.

I left with a weight sitting heavily in my heart. I had invited you to go to the concert, you were going though, there was no question about that. If you went though, you would see him. You would go back to him. The thought was enough to bring me to my knees, tears streaming down my cheeks. If you went back to him, I would never have a chance. You would never think of me like that, because, I knew that you would never cheat on Ren, or even have feelings for anyone but Ren. It was at that time that I realized everything that I had been feeling. You would think that someone like me would be able to recognize love, but this time this feeling that I call love was different from any other time. It was because it was you, Nana.

I never thought that I could be this selfish, though. I wanted to keep the two of you apart. That wouldn't be good though, because you wouldn't be happy. I want you to be happy. I don't want to be selfish anymore. I could see that you loved him, even at that time, and to stop my self I locked away all my selfishness deep within my heart. We went to the concert and you met him. Your relationship started again and I, watching from the sidelines, was your supporter.

You're probably wondering why I'm writing this, and the truth is that I'm a coward. I don't think that I could say this to your face so I want to send you this letter and tell you everything. This isn't a suicide note or a letter telling you that I'm running away. I'll stay right here, I don't think I could ever leave you. You don't love me, I know that you don't, but if you want to pretend like this letter never existed I'll understand. After all, I love you, Osaki Nana, and I think I always will.

In confession,

Hachi

Komatsu Nana put a hand up to her eyes to wipe away her tears. Was she really going to send this? She doubted it. That would be the selfish thing to do, Nana shouldn't be bothered with her feelings. A pink finger nailed hand closed around the letter, balling it up. She threw it at the trash can, missing it by a mile.

Work started soon, so she would have to go now if she wanted to get there in time. She quickly got dressed and walked quietly over to Nana's room. Nana was still sleeping, they had been up late last night drinking. Hachi sighed as she stood in the doorway. She doubted she would ever be able to tell Nana her feelings. Nana's sleeping face was beautiful and she reached out a hand to move a stray hair from her face. Nana didn't stir. Slowly, Hachi leaned down and closed the gap between their lips in a chaste kiss. Quickly she pulled back and moved toward the door, stopping only to take one more look at that sleeping face.

"Ja ne, Nana"

The door closed.

The lights turned off.

All was quiet.


End file.
